A conversation on using the Human Design System for pregnancy and conscious parenting, with Libby Hoffmann - Moderne Homemaker and Elisa Jordan - Mystical Mama. (part 3 of 3)
Introduction
Elisa Jordan [EJ]: Today is gonna be a really fascinating conversation. If you’re familiar with Human Design (HD), this is for you. We’re not covering the basics, but {today] it’s incorporating and using HD from the [specific] perspective of pregnancy and motherhood.
My guest is Libby Hoffmann, the founder of Moderne Homemaker. She learned about HD after she had kids, and how impactful this could be to help her nurture her own self, but also to help nurture and encourage her kids to bloom and grow. Not presuppose and project her own stuff onto her kids. That is the hope of Human Design generally-- like, how can we decondition and not impose our own conditioning and societal conditioning as much on each other and our children, and the next generation?
So this will be really fascinating, and if you’re unfamiliar with Human Design, I encourage you to get maybe just a very basic understanding of what HD is all about. Then this might be another deeper layer you can go into. Even if you don’t really understand all the concepts, it’s okay. Just go with the flow and enjoy this really thought provoking conversation on how we can use Human Design on our motherhood journey...
This is the conclusion of a three part conversation. Read Part One here
Parenting the Undefined Spleen Child
Libby Hoffmann [LH]: Something with undefined spleen people [like you, Elisa], is you might tend to hold onto other people or relationships, or even places, if it gives you that safe feeling. It’s not really what’s in your best interest and correct for you, but you just [feel pressured] to hold onto that safe healthy feeling because you don’t have that otherwise on your own.
EJ: I see. I see.
LH: So that would be an area after your baby is born, and you know their design, to look at. Especially with your caretaking partner who is going to bring that healthy, safe feeling to them. Sometimes babies will pick the caregiver with the defined spleen, especially if they have an undefined spleen as well. They’re naturally going to gravitate to the person that has that defined spleen because it gives them that safe, healthy feeling without doing anything. It’s just a physical, energetic, feeling that’s taking place for them.
EJ: Interesting! Huh.
LH: You might find that if your baby doesn’t have a defined spleen, if they’re undefined or open, and your partner has the defined spleen, you might find that they can soothe them faster than you. Especially when they’re a little older and they scrape their knee or something like that, and they want -
EJ: Yeah, a certain parent.
LH: Yeah. That’s an area where in the 4th trimester or postpartum and beyond, I could really support a mother or a parent [with my guidance] who is feeling like they don’t have that connection. It’s really not personal, it’s just energetics. There are other areas where you can connect and also honor that connection [instead]. That’s an area where you could teach your children, “I know you feel really safe with this person, and maybe you don't feel this when you’re by yourself”, but teaching them that they can still make healthy, safe choices for themselves. They just have other parts of their body that they need to learn to listen to, instead of that healthy, safe feeling that they don’t have all the time.
Parenting the Defined Sacral Child
EJ: So if I was a child, it would be like training me to feel out through the sacral energy? From what I understand, with sacral it is really more physical - like how my body responds. Is it tightening? Is it opening? Is it feeling exciting? Like, oh YES, my chest opens up. Some people describe it as “Listen to your womb”. That’s too esoteric sometimes, I can’t just [laughing] connect all of the time, in a meditative zone. How do you define the sacral listening?
LH: Yeah, what you just said is a really great description. It’s really a physical response. Something--if you’re not tapped into the sacral-- something that you can do that I call a sacral session, is literally just having someone else ask you Yes or No questions for 20 minutes straight. That’s how those sacral responses are, there’s no “Well let me think about it”. As soon as there’s a hesitation that means it's going up into your mind, and that’s not where you want to be making decisions from. The more you can get into your body and trust that immediate gut response, the better.
I’ve found with clients [in Sacral Session], they’re starting little ‘tells’ [chuckles] once I get into a certain rhythm with letting your sacral really respond. The “Uh huh”, the “Uh uh”. You’ll see what a true YES is, and what a true NO is. I’ve seen people where they are swaying and are like “Uh huh”, or if they’re a no it’s “Uh uh!”
Think of a little kid before they can speak. It’s “Uh huh!” That is that guttural response that you want to honor in yourself, even as an adult. In your kids, when your baby is born, if you find out they’re a Generator or Manifesting Generator Type, having that sacral defined, that is something you want to, from day one--
EJ: Help mirror?
LH: Absolutely yes, that sacral response. Posing the questions and offering them things in a Yes/No way, reflecting - especially for Manifesting Generators. I do this with my kids, they’re both MG’s, both emotional authorities. They will say what they want sometimes, and I make sure to mirror that back so that it’s an actual response, and not them just trying to manifest it for themselves and pushing it.
This is in simple ways. They both have defined hearts too [chuckles] so there’s a lot of ego and that forceful nature that can come out if I don’t practice being that guide for them and reflecting that so they can respond. For example, one will say “I want such and such to eat”, so I will say “Okay, you want XYZ to eat?” and they’ll say “Yes” or “Uh huh”. Sometimes they'll say no. Once they hear it back, they'll say “No, actually…” [laughing] you'll actually give yourself, give your child, that opportunity to really respond and not just force or make things happen for yourself. That’s where they get into trouble. They’re not really listening, not really responding, they’re just doing, doing, doing.
EJ: That’s fascinating.
LH: Same thing with their ego. Sometimes one will say “I want this.”, and then you ask them and they say “Yes”. Then the other one will say “Well I want that too!”. Okay. Do you really want such and such? And they’ll say “Well no, actually.” Because they realize then that they really wanted it because the other one wanted that too. They’re just comparing, wanting to be competitive [chuckle]
EJ: Yeah! They do that! They definitely do that! [laughter]
Keeping it Simple
LH: Going back to your first question on how I use this knowledge in my own parenting, how I share my spiritual world [chuckle] with my kids and my mothering-- I try to make it super simple. I think a lot of times, especially adults, we overcomplicate things. We try to explain things in ways that are overcomplicated because we are afraid of what our kids might think or how they would respond.
We anticipate too much. Then we just create more problems for ourselves. I’ve found in my own parenting journey, when I’m super simple and to the point when they ask me questions, or I tell them what I’m doing.. I just TELL them. I don’t sugar coat it. They just get it. If they want to be involved they ask, and if they don’t they’re just like “Okay!"
Today, this is a great example, I was writing out some forgiveness letters for the end of the year. I wanted to burn those afterwards, to clear them. My younger son came up and wanted to come in. He saw me writing and said “What are you writing?”, and I said “I’m writing forgiveness letters.” and he was like, “Oh, okay!”. He’s 4 years old. So he’s like “I wanna write too”, “You wanna write too?” “Yeah, I’m gonna get my notebook.” “Okay!”
So he went to get his notebook and came back with his pen and notebook. He sat there and kept drawing little pictures and wanting to show me. I would look, and then I kept reminding him, “Okay, mommy is trying to focus, so can you please focus on your drawing and I’ll focus on my writing, and then we can talk about it afterwards?” He did that for a little while, we went back and forth. Then he was onto the next thing.
That’s another thing I really try to practice, when they show interest just to have that opportunity to involve them because usually they’ll tune in for a little bit, and then they’re done and onto the next thing. Whereas if I told them “No, you can’t do this, this is for adults” or “You're not gonna like this” or “You’re not gonna pay attention, do something else”, then that just creates more magnetism for them to want to be involved.
Letting go of control, really surrendering to every moment and letting them, especially because they’re manifesting generators, to be okay with dipping their toe in. Then they understand it and they move on and they do something else, not trying to force them to keep going with something if they’re done. If they’ve gotten it and they’re moving on to the next thing. Not guilting them into continuing.
Like with meditation. They’ll do meditation with me sometimes, we’ll do it together, and I don’t force them to sit still all the time. Really letting them be here for their experience, and not trying to make it into something - not trying to fix it. Not trying to make it into what I think it should be, instead of just letting them have their own experience.
EJ: I love it. Yeah I completely agree with that. It’s how I tend to care take with children. It’s just a common scene that I’ve seen with parents, that we want to intervene so hard. Even just play for them. No, we are here to set up the environment [laughs] and be present with them when they want us to be present.
I have an 11 month old [client], she’s now getting really focused into these board books. I’m not going to disrupt that. I have parents who are like “Oh do you want me to read that for you? We’re gonna go through every single page!” Only if they bring the book to you. They will tell you, even non vocally; let them observe and experiment. Whether it’s chewing on the book, looking through random pages, or closing it and booking it [laughs], give them that space and opportunity to experiment and not have to force or hover or think it has to be played or met with a certain adult way.
I thought that was so cute that he wanted to participate in your forgiveness list! ‘I wanna do it too!’ That is so cute!! Then go off on your merry way [laughter] when you’re done! That’s adorable. He’s also not feeling forced to do the meditation or spiritual things, it’s such a way to mirror. He’s feeding off of what you do. It’s not a charged thing in either direction.
If you can stay neutral through it all, or generally neutral - you just set it up so no one hurts themselves physically - every kid, every person in their lifetime is gonna go through some sort of hurt or bonk [laughing] as I tell my husband this, “Every person is gonna get bonked in life. Emotionally or physically. Our job is to be there for them through it all. Set a space so they don’t get horribly bonked! But if they do, we're still here for them.” [laughter] Whether it’s through a heart bonk or a physical head bonk because they’re learning to walk and they ran into a wall. [both laughing]
They’re learning to experiment! But we can’t control the environment, we can’t control them. I mean, we can control the environment to an extent, but we can’t control them in what they’re here to learn. I just want to be able to be the facilitator of the space for them to be able to explore and learn.
I love that you’re able to be that Projector guide parent, really facilitating using Human Design to respond back. That’s really cool. I haven’t heard anyone talk about HD, especially with sacral response, in that way to reflect back the question. Usually they’re just like “Just feel it! A hell yes or hell no!”
LH: Yeah that doesn’t quite work with kids. You really have to follow that rule of life that we always learn growing up - practice what you preach. Kids will always always learn way more from what you do and model for them than from what you say.
If I would have said to him, “Well I’m writing forgiveness letters, which is blah blah blah blah blah” that would have gone one in and out the other. But just to sit there with him, and him to see me writing...and how quiet! I remember now, we had the door shut to the bedroom, and we were sitting there together writing, and he was drawing, and all of a sudden he said “This is peace and quiet!”
EJ: Awwwww!
LH: It’s funny because he’s actually a 6/2 Profile, like you. That’s one of our synchronicities, we both have that 2nd line. I’m sure that really clicked for him in the moment, “Oh this is peace and quiet, and this is actually nice.” It’s nice to have this for just a little bit. Then he was ready to move on.
EJ: To have his hermit time. Aww.
LH: Yeah! Going back to what you were saying about them learning their lessons, both of my children have a 6 in their profile. My 4 year old is a 6/2, and my almost 7 year old is a 4/6. They both have that 6 line, and it’s so important, especially for 6 lines, to have that freedom to make their own experiences and learn their own lessons. That’s what they’re here for! To go through that trial and ultimately be that role model - that’s the 6 line, the role model - for everyone else. And to show us the value in that process for everyone.
I think I’ve really seen that some of the 6 lines that don’t have that opportunity and that freedom when they’re younger, in their first 30 years of life, they really miss out and have a lot of conditioning about making mistakes in their later life. They feel very guilty when they make mistakes, or they’re super afraid to make mistakes so they’re stuck in not making decisions, or not trying new things because they don’t want to make a mistake.
The more we can allow our kids to make the mistakes, they’re really not mistakes! The only mistake that anyone can make is not learning from the experience.
Parenting by Human Design Type
EJ: Amen! Amen! I agree. Are there any other general parenting tips for the different Human Design Types? Any information for children or parents to know? Like if I have a Projector child, here’s a couple tips. We [already] did a lot with Generators, Manifesting Generators.
LH: I would say the biggest tip is what we talked about for gens/mani gens, which is honoring that sacral response and reflecting that back to them. That’s something you can still do for Generators. I just find that Manifesting Generators are more prone to forcing things for themselves because they have such a strong Throat Center energy.
For Projectors, Manifestors, and Reflectors - those are the non-sacral Human Design Types. A big thing for them is really honoring that inconsistent sacral energy that they have. Really allowing them a lot of rest time when you see that their body needs it. Whether they are asking for it or not. It’s really important for them to have a healthy boundary for knowing when enough is enough. Physically, mentally, emotionally. For all three of those [Types] that’s super important.
Reflector children… environment. That’s the biggest thing, is making sure that they feel like their environment is good for them. Making sure that they know that they are a special, strong, and wise person no matter what they feel from outside of themselves. They are a reflection. Self esteem, learning who they really are and really connecting with who they are, so they don’t get lost with other people or in the transits. They’re actually even more sensitive to the transits than other beings.
For Projector children, trusting that they are much wiser than what you might give them credit for. Especially if you’re a Generator, Manifesting Generator parent, who wants to do a lot and giving the Projector child space to just observe and not necessarily do, and still honoring them for who they are and not what they do.
Then Manifestor children, really similar to Projectors in learning to trust that they know who they are and what they want. With Manifestors the big thing is letting them have a lot of responsibility for themselves and how they impact others from an early age. Letting them have more control and autonomy. Letting them really see that when they honor that in themselves, and honor their desires and how they want to manifest things in their lives, that’s not selfish. It’s actually beneficial to everybody around them when they’re living that authentic life and doing, impacting the way they want to [or not] and taking those breaks as well.
EJ: That’s really cool . I’m really excited to see what my baby girl is gonna be. I don’t know. We’ll find out! But that’s also why as a mystical mama-to-be, I really want to be able to facilitate for the uniqueness of the child that I have, of the children I have, because some might need more structure and need to be out and stimulated, and want to go do things, for example. Others might be really highly sensitive, and need more routine alone time and less stimuli. Some kids would thrive in public schools and others would be better with unschooling. I want to be able to honor that with them and not force them into one paradigm only.
I’m excited about that. This is really interesting information! Is this just doing child readings? Baby readings? Is that a specific session with you? Can you describe what kind of sessions people can do to work with you?
LH: Yeah absolutely. I just want to say too, I’m so excited for you to meet your baby and to see what her design is! I do want to emphasize what you said about it being very individual, and not to pigeon hole. Even if you know they’re a manifesting generator. Even if you know they’re a manifestor. It depends on so many different configurations and factors, you just want to see them for who they are and not what they are. Always keep that in mind, no matter what kind of system you’re using. I’m super excited for you and I know you’re gonna be an amazing mom.
EJ: Thanks! I’m excited. So excited!
LH: You’re not gonna make any mistakes, you’re just going to learn a lot of lessons! [laughs] You’re going to have fun, and she’s lucky to have you.
[To answer your question about my offers] I have a variety of HD sessions, which is what I call my human design readings. Then my specific guidance program for postpartum and pregnancy is Crown of Light. It is highly personalized. It just depends on where you are in your journey. If your kids are a little older and you feel like you really missed out on that magical transition, we can even talk about how to go through that process again in your own way and rediscover who you are as a mother so that you can really mother in alignment with your soul and honor who your children and family are now.
The best way to set yourself up for pregnancy and motherhood is to awaken to yourself first. Really embody who you are, and start to decondition so that you can then stay connected with who you are through pregnancy, and watch out for that extra conditioning that can take place during that transition into motherhood. Through that process you’re going to have some tools at your disposal to be able to offset those challenges that you may face in the fourth trimester, aka postpartum.
EJ: Thank you for sharing all of that! I’m really fascinated now. Thank you for joining the podcast my dear. Really, really was so stoked that you wanted to be on here, and we could talk about Human Design in a way that barely anyone is talking about it, which is exciting!
LH: Thank you so much. I just had so much fun, and it’s always a pleasure to chat with you, and all the things. So thank you. Thank you!
Libby Hoffmann is a DONA Intl trained birth doula who specializes in holistic pregnancy and postpartum care using the Human Design System. She’s a mom of two, Appalachian native, and author of the children's book We Are All Light. Connect with Libby here
Elisa Jordan is a cottage witch, modern mystic, and mama sharing about self care, wellness, astrology, & motherhood. Listen to the full podcast episode here; connect with Elisa here